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"

I wish I could’ve been
someone different in your life
Someone not so sad that
could actually get out of the bed every day without that paralyzing and hesitant fear
that they may actually have to live

And I wish I could’ve been
a flickering candle flame
or a moon beam glow
guiding you out of your own darkness
but everything has been black since birth
even after my eyes had opened

I wish that I could tell you
that the world glistens in shades of
vibrant rainbow and happiness but
the truth is I see only charcoal grays
and sadness

I wish I could’ve been softer for you
and that my words would’ve
danced their way out of my mouth
and landed delicately in your ears
like flower petals drifting to rest
on the ground
instead of saying everything like
I was trying to build brick walls with words and surrounded my heart
with barbed wire so no one
could come any closer than they needed to

And I wish I could’ve learned
how to love properly because
I think that would have solved a lot
of the tension and spite
that now resides between us but
instead I slammed doors right in your face and wouldn’t answer them
for days at a time

I just wish that I could’ve been different
that I could’ve been better for you in the long run

"

— Alexis H., I wish I could go back and do it differently, maybe then we’d have been better people (via lostsoulstravelhere)

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Alexis has joined the 4eyez club.. I can see now! let me look at all of you beautiful creatures :)

Alexis has joined the 4eyez club.. I can see now! let me look at all of you beautiful creatures :)

Quote
"

Your fingertips were flickering flames and I feel like I had been chugging gasoline all night

All that’s left of me is a heart half-charred, and ashes that’ll disappear from your memory on a windy afternoon

"

— Alexis H., fire’s fickle flame

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Anonymous said: That anon was a dick I think you're a beautiful writer Lost souls find words Ignore the pricks who don't get it x

Thank you so much! You don’t know what this means to me. Although I do post my writing publicly, it isn’t for anyone other than myself. That being said, I’m glad others enjoy it and can relate to my words and feelings. Thanks once again, you are wonderful :)

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"

You made flowers grow in my soul
The most impossible of climates
I never trusted that a daisy could bloom in a dark room
More or less the jet blackness that occupies my soul

You created dainty window boxes that rested along my ribcage
So everyone knew that you were responsible for the weeding and upkeep of my soul
And made the sunshine radiate through my veins on spring days

When winter came
Your beautiful blooms became susceptible to the biting winds and frigid snowflakes

As spring rolled around again
You saw the mess that had become of the garden you created inside of me
And you didn’t think it’d be worth the effort to try for tulips and lilies again this year

So now
I am dead grass
As brown and as brittle as my bones
And with the passing winds
More of me gets blown away

"

— Alexis H., you were never a gardener

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"I’m still not over my sad past and I don’t think I will ever be."

— Lana Del Rey (via allhopeisgon-e)

(Source: heavyxhitter, via books-and-coff33)

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"Fumbling through all the
Memories of your sunshine
Smile and ‘I love yous’"

— Alexis H., haiku

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"

We lay with my head pressed up against your chest
I am listening for your heart beat
Where there should be a ‘thump thump’
There is a low rumble
A constant droning that makes it sound as if you are on the brink of eruption

Don’t explode

You can make it
Without your lava flowing tears
And clouded head from the swirling ash of
Thoughts stuck in your mental atmosphere
Your bones cannot break unless you fall
The pills don’t poison unless swallowed
The noose doesn’t tighten unless you jump

Let me be the gently rocking sea that lulls you back into dormancy

"

— Alexis H., people can be volcanoes too (via lostsoulstravelhere)

Quote
"

We lay with my head pressed up against your chest
I am listening for your heart beat
Where there should be a ‘thump thump’
There is a low rumble
A constant droning that makes it sound as if you are on the brink of eruption

Don’t explode

You can make it
Without your lava flowing tears
And clouded head from the swirling ash of
Thoughts stuck in your mental atmosphere
Your bones cannot break unless you fall
The pills don’t poison unless swallowed
The noose doesn’t tighten unless you jump

Let me be the gently rocking sea that lulls you back into dormancy

"

— Alexis H., people can be volcanoes too

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lostsoulstravelhere:

1) understand that I am a strange girl. I see the stars where there are none and I hear a melody when you say my name

2) know that I will probably shiver by the touch of your hand for things that happened in the past that have nothing to do with you— try not to worry too much about it.

3) I am…